Losing what matters

Source

Lately, some thoughts have been running through my mind. They usually hit me the hardest during night times where everyone was asleep and I am alone with my thoughts in my bed. Those moments have landed me with really negative thoughts at times. And no matter how many times I tried to comfort myself, all that I could feel was mental exhaustion in the end. The future seemed bleak. There were no words to possibly describe the way my feelings have already fused with my thoughts. It felt like a never-ending cycle where I could never get out of it. I closed my eyes but only to get reminded of the memories and fears. The situation seemed helpless. Now, this was exactly what I went through not long ago. And I am writing this post to walk through with anyone that are experiencing such moments now. Trust me, nothing remains forever, for the good and bad.

Close your eyes and visualize who and what matters

Remember how I was trapped in my fears and memories? I made a conscious effort to close my eyes and visualize the people that mattered to me every night. For every night that I failed to do so, I knew that there will be tomorrow with brand new opportunities. The point was to never rush into committing what your heart was not ready to do so. I always believe that our heart and mind are inseparable entities when it comes to healing our wounds. For example, my mind knew that I was doing a disservice to myself every single day but my heart allowed it. When I was finally able to visualize the people that mattered in my life - I saw their faces and I knew that I have let them down because of how I was not able to walk out of my misery. Then, I told myself that it's either I continue to let the setbacks sink in and further disappoint my family and friends or I walk out and be happy for them. But, thankfully, I ended up choosing the latter. And this led me to realize something important. That was when I began to involve these people in my life, I stopped centering myself and the so-called-problems that once affected my life no longer had that of a great impact anymore. I got to love and help myself. Regardless of the choices I make, I knew that my family and close friends were not going to leave me. And it's only when I realized all of these, I became happier than before even when it meant to go the extra mile for these people.

The words that follow I am, follow you

Everyone has received labels from your family, friends, and colleagues at some point in their lives. I was labeled as short, fat, and sensitive during my primary school. When it came to secondary school, I was labeled insensitive, childish, playful, extrovert, and talkative. Now, the point that I'm trying to drive at is whatever labels you receive, if you ever take on them, you will attempt to live into them like a role that you are given in life. Who has the rights to give you these labels? You might attempt to change how people see you, but that won't be you anymore. And these labels usually hit you the hardest when you are bottomed in life. Thus, the most important element in the human psyche is how you describe yourself to yourself. You can rewrite any labels that you once accepted in your life, make it become what you want, tell it to yourself as many times you need for your brain to be reprogrammed. This is not about self-denial. Instead, it is about developing your self-esteem to love yourself. I am caring, funny, helpful, handsome, passionate, and so on. So what are you? The words that follow "I am", follow you.

Observe your surroundings

I never had a habit of taking much notice of my surroundings. It's either I immersed myself in my smartphone feeds or I rushed from one place to another in the past. Things are pretty different right now. I love walks, crowds, and nature. When I see a group of friends hanging out happily and parents holding onto their children hands, I gain refreshing perspectives on life. These perspectives make me realize that there are so many things too precious to be missed out in life. And I want to channel all my negative thoughts into positive ones - to help as many people as I can, to uplift the society to become a better place, to be genuine to new people and towards friends that I never once expressed genuineness at all.


I have not written something personal in a long while. I hope that my experiences can bring new perspectives into your lives. Thank you for taking the time to read.