Walking Away Is Never Easy

We developed closer bonds in the midst of knowing more about each other. We danced in the grey area of almosts and everything seemed promising. Carefree conversations and meetings till late night made our hearts raced. Despite all the butterflies in our stomach, we were still conscious of the fact that there is a slight chance we might not end up together. But I am glad that we tried. :)

This post comes shortly after my self reflection over the past few years. 

Leaving didn't mean I took you for a ride

I didn't want the both of us to sink even deeper. I left because I felt that you deserved someone better than me. It's not an excuse for me to ditch the entire date. My feelings for you were genuine but I experienced inferiority complex because I could not provide you with what you wanted to the fullest at that moment. Even if our very journey was a short one, I enjoyed it. I have held on longer than I should have because I did think we would end up together one day, I hope you could feel it. :)

I left because I came to my realization

We had non-stop conversations every day and while everything lasted, I got to admit that the commitments made were worthwhile. I left because I grew to realize that we are people from different worlds. Don't get me wrong, I was willing to have it a go but circumstances had me to hesitate about whether it was the right time to take a risk. Hence, I walked away because I realized I deserved someone different and you deserved someone you're sure of.

Leaving because I loved you too much

It was a constant struggle between keeping you by my side and you wanting to do the things you love. In this instance, priorities proved to be an important factor which decides if everything still mattered. I left because I know you will soar to greater heights and be better off without me. 

Experience In Thailand, Bangkok.

Once again, it's the vacation season! Our experience in Bangkok was an insanely amazing one. Can't wait to share with everyone on our experience! 

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First of all, we stayed at the Thailand's tallest hotel,  Baiyoke Sky Hotel, located in the center of Bangkok. Look at its astounding structure in the above image! It's a pretty popular choice among tourists due to its reasonable pricing. It will also only take you 5 minutes to walk to Airport Rail Link. The room amenities are adequate and it also offers a great view of the city, not to mention the wonderful room service too! On a whole, we were satisfied with our stay in the hotel.

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Second of all, the Talad Rot Fai Market Srinakarin located at Bangkok's new train market on Ratchadaphisek Road must not be missed! Its opening hours are from 1700 hrs to midnight (Thurs - Sunday). It is an authentic open-air bazaar selling an incredible array of vintage collectibles, plushie toys, antique furniture, modern and the old day's fashion, leather wallets, board games, and shoes! What makes this market even more wonderful is the market food and you really got to try its noodles store located at the entrance of the bazaar! There are also many drinking bars which are suitable for a group of friends to chillax after a good leg workout shopping! You got to experience this yourself! We can assure you that there are no regrets for visiting!

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Third of all, the popular Chatuchak Weekend Market! It is impossible for anyone to miss visiting this place in Bangkok. As popularly visited by tourists, there is still a need for emphasis about this market! It houses nearly 8000 market stalls! Goods ranging from clothing, accessories, handicrafts, ceramics, food and beverage, plants and gardening tools, art and gallery, pet accessories, books, antique and collectibles and decorative lightings! This is what attracts nearly 200 000 tourists to shop on every weekend! One place that addresses almost all of your shopping cravings. However, got to be wary of scams and pickpockets. Do take care of your belongings! 

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Fourth of all, this is ARTBOX Bangkok! It's just a street away from Chatuchak Weekend Market! Be sure to visit it when you are at Chatuchak! This bazaar will only be held on WEEKENDS from 30 Sept 16 - 30 Apr 17, 1200 hrs to 2300 hrs. So don't miss it! ARTBOX features unique goods which you may not find in other parts of Bangkok easily. There also sells the dessert called the Dragon Breath soaked in liquid nitrogen at 100 baht (If I remembered it correctly). The drinks are also really eccentric! Just remember to bring MORE cash with you if you are going to try everything! Otherwise, you can also go there to enjoy the live band! Remember, it is 'limited edition'!

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Last of all, the Chinatown in Bangkok. It is lined up with market stalls, street-side restaurants and a dense concentration of gold shops. Like any other tourists spots in Bangkok, this is an experience not to be missed! There are so many items priced reasonably waiting for you! More notable will be Thai snacks and tidbits from Lin Zhen Xiang, where you can buy for your families and friends! Another experience not to be missed will be to dine in Hua Seng Hong! Although dining there can be slightly more expensive but there is a great variety of dim sum and seafood! Don't forget to try the roasted chicken and duck! We promise you that it will be an experience to be remembered! 

Thankful to have my lovely partner to travel with me, hopefully everyone will find this guide useful.

The Struggle Between Expectations and Settling Down For Less

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Everyone is bound to have expectations, like the way things should go as expected. However, it is known that with expectations also comes with disappointments. Just because we have expected something to happen as we have planned, we also have to be reminded of the fact that nothing is perfect in this world. Only by recognising this consensus together, a much more cordial relationship could then be established in any kind of environment.

Don't get me wrong at this point of time, I am not asking you to resign to this consensus or fate. In fact, many people that I knew have placed in numerous efforts to address this natural hurdle to achieving their goals. I am not dissimilar, I acknowledged of the existing natural gap in life and have learnt to manage along with it. It can be a great countermeasure when things go the other way, and I can assure that you will definitely recover faster than some other people from these hiccups.

With that being said, does this mean that we can always readily settle down for something less than we expected? The answer to this is debatable. If you ask me, I would say a yes without hesitation. The reason is both simple and logical, we got to acknowledge that everyone's mindset including priorities or preferential standards are different. As long as the reality is not too far away from the set expectations, which is to say your efforts has managed to harvest 90% of the intended. That seems good enough often. Having said that, it is also not logical for you to settle down for less than what you deserve at times. That is, you got to ensure that there must be a threshold or minimum criteria to meet and nothing should fall short of it. From there, you will perhaps settle down for less rationally.

Let me draw an analogy within the education sector. Your teacher has gone through the entire year syllabus to ensure you all are ready for examinations. In return, she has expected all in the class to do well since it was according to what she has taught. To her dismay, only a few were able to meet her expectations. So, when you have expectations of things without acknowledging the fact that largely everyone's mindset and preferential standards are different from yours, you will find yourself emotionally affected. Since most people will want the best for the things that they are being tasked in, it is this struggle that people have to recognise and from there, you deal with it by mentally preparing yourself. Nonetheless, where things are not going your way, you just got to ensure that the bare requirements set by the school principal are at least met.

Hopefully, my two cents worth of thoughts have helped to developed new perspectives in your situations! 

Despite Everything, I Still Refuse To Text You

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"I know that it will only take a few seconds to strike a conversation with you. It seems all easy. Yet every time, I scroll to your contact I will only find myself stuck not knowing what to do. It affects me so much probably because you mean so much to me. I can't decide what's more important and what's dearest towards me anymore". Another social dilemma phenomenon that people will experience from time to time. Surely, I find it indeed relatable in my life. 

I am just afraid that I am bothering your peace

I see your feeds all over my social media platforms and thought that you might be better off without me. I am worried that my text will ruin your mood. Yes, I may be over thinking but again, who will be there to answer my insecurities? After all, I only want to see happiness in you and the best for you. I guess I can settle my emotions myself. I just, just cannot take risks on this matter. 

It isn't just my responsibility to keep this relationship alive

You are on my mind, I miss you. I should not text you this time round because I shall wait for you to start the conversation first this time. It isn't about being childish but I want to know whether you will reciprocate or will even think of me. That's that, nothing more complicated than this. 

I am afraid to know how you are doing

I am no longer part of your life. I know we are emotionally hurt and as much as I love you, I know you might be better off alone or if not, living a happier life with your new partner. Whatever news or information gets to me will only kill me to hear it. 

Everything remains status quo

Nothing will change. Both of us are over with compromising and trying. We come from different ends of the universe and we will have to accept this fact. Even if we had planned something together and tried it out. The outcome will still remain the same. 

The thought of not receiving a reply

Why did I even text you despite knowing that will happen? I regretted it so much. At the very least, I can now tell myself to let go and readjust my priorities. 

I have no idea what I would end up saying to you

I will not say that I miss you. Rather, I will let my messages to you suggest that. Do I hope for things to have gone another way? That I miss hearing your voice, laughter, and your company? Do I want sympathy out of all the confessions that I am about to make? Finally, I decided to put my phone away than to go through all these troubles myself once again.

Your Life Is Your Message

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Has it ever come across to you that your life is a message? 

I know this may seem senseless to some people at this point in time but please give me an opportunity by reading on. I hope to make sense at the end of it.

Some of you might be wondering who would ever take interest in my life? I am neither popular nor a prominent figure. I must be kidding myself that my life would ever be of attention to the people around me. To this end, I want to tell to whom it may concern to let go, free whatever insecurities you have, because they don't really matter. Everyone is unique in their own ways. Yet, I understand it is not easy to stand against your own insecurities out of the blue because saying is one thing and doing is another. But little did you realize that you have already won half the battle by choosing to deal with your insecurities?

Like many other people, I had my own insecurities too. I thought to myself, who would care about me, less my family? You can see it as I was experiencing some kind of mid-life crisis. But, that's life. You either move on or degrade, you decide. Being 16 years old at that point in time, I was old enough to decide this on my own. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes, I concluded. 

You can either choose to feel that the entire world is going against you and decide to shut yourself from the world and live a happy life or prove these people wrong and come out strong from it. Just as Pericles wisely puts it across, "Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you".

Emerging victorious from your insecurities and crisis to me is the prerequisite to accepting your life as a message. Because this is the moment where you figure out your true self and what you strive to become. Most important of all, this also goes to show that you have the resilience, tenacity, and vigor to make an impact on people lives.

What comes next will be your priorities. You got to be clear on this as it will help to maximize your life. When it comes down to this, just be prepared that what you set out to do will be assessed by the people around you, that's the reality. You will receive praises and as well as, criticisms. One piece of advice will be that you got to make sure that your commitments are aligned according to your conscience. After all, it is difficult to please everyone, just as expected. Just remember that you are the author of your own destiny, you dictate the many more stories to come.

When I started out volunteering at the meet-the-people sessions two years ago, my friends would often question me whether I was pro People's Action Party (PAP) but their replies never really bothered me. Because I was clear on what I wanted to achieve for the residents - better lives and as well as, to be their listening ears. 

Then, I enlisted to serve the army and now being a commissioned officer, I was never the quite fierce and strict one, contrary to what many may think of officers. It was all about choices, right? I told my guys, "The first time you make a mistake, it's a genuine one. The second time you make a mistake is a choice, you face it". I do believe that this is fair. Thereafter, I thought about the age differences between myself and my guys. They are only two or three years younger than me. So, I decided on the environment that they shall learn and train in - that is by seeing them as to-be-adults. I was also certainly prepared to receive constructive feedbacks from my fellow friends and sergeant on my approach.

At the end of the day, you will dictate the kind of life to live, your ambitions, the person you wish to be. But little did you realize, the decisions you made daily will have an impact on the people around you. Henceforth, I encourage that if you can do more in life, you must do so. The lives of others shall depend on you. 

This Is, Your Life As Your Message