Despite Everything, I Still Refuse To Text You

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"I know that it will only take a few seconds to strike a conversation with you. It seems all easy. Yet every time, I scroll to your contact I will only find myself stuck not knowing what to do. It affects me so much probably because you mean so much to me. I can't decide what's more important and what's dearest towards me anymore". Another social dilemma phenomenon that people will experience from time to time. Surely, I find it indeed relatable in my life. 

I am just afraid that I am bothering your peace

I see your feeds all over my social media platforms and thought that you might be better off without me. I am worried that my text will ruin your mood. Yes, I may be over thinking but again, who will be there to answer my insecurities? After all, I only want to see happiness in you and the best for you. I guess I can settle my emotions myself. I just, just cannot take risks on this matter. 

It isn't just my responsibility to keep this relationship alive

You are on my mind, I miss you. I should not text you this time round because I shall wait for you to start the conversation first this time. It isn't about being childish but I want to know whether you will reciprocate or will even think of me. That's that, nothing more complicated than this. 

I am afraid to know how you are doing

I am no longer part of your life. I know we are emotionally hurt and as much as I love you, I know you might be better off alone or if not, living a happier life with your new partner. Whatever news or information gets to me will only kill me to hear it. 

Everything remains status quo

Nothing will change. Both of us are over with compromising and trying. We come from different ends of the universe and we will have to accept this fact. Even if we had planned something together and tried it out. The outcome will still remain the same. 

The thought of not receiving a reply

Why did I even text you despite knowing that will happen? I regretted it so much. At the very least, I can now tell myself to let go and readjust my priorities. 

I have no idea what I would end up saying to you

I will not say that I miss you. Rather, I will let my messages to you suggest that. Do I hope for things to have gone another way? That I miss hearing your voice, laughter, and your company? Do I want sympathy out of all the confessions that I am about to make? Finally, I decided to put my phone away than to go through all these troubles myself once again.

Your Life Is Your Message

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Has it ever come across to you that your life is a message? 

I know this may seem senseless to some people at this point in time but please give me an opportunity by reading on. I hope to make sense at the end of it.

Some of you might be wondering who would ever take interest in my life? I am neither popular nor a prominent figure. I must be kidding myself that my life would ever be of attention to the people around me. To this end, I want to tell to whom it may concern to let go, free whatever insecurities you have, because they don't really matter. Everyone is unique in their own ways. Yet, I understand it is not easy to stand against your own insecurities out of the blue because saying is one thing and doing is another. But little did you realize that you have already won half the battle by choosing to deal with your insecurities?

Like many other people, I had my own insecurities too. I thought to myself, who would care about me, less my family? You can see it as I was experiencing some kind of mid-life crisis. But, that's life. You either move on or degrade, you decide. Being 16 years old at that point in time, I was old enough to decide this on my own. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes, I concluded. 

You can either choose to feel that the entire world is going against you and decide to shut yourself from the world and live a happy life or prove these people wrong and come out strong from it. Just as Pericles wisely puts it across, "Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you".

Emerging victorious from your insecurities and crisis to me is the prerequisite to accepting your life as a message. Because this is the moment where you figure out your true self and what you strive to become. Most important of all, this also goes to show that you have the resilience, tenacity, and vigor to make an impact on people lives.

What comes next will be your priorities. You got to be clear on this as it will help to maximize your life. When it comes down to this, just be prepared that what you set out to do will be assessed by the people around you, that's the reality. You will receive praises and as well as, criticisms. One piece of advice will be that you got to make sure that your commitments are aligned according to your conscience. After all, it is difficult to please everyone, just as expected. Just remember that you are the author of your own destiny, you dictate the many more stories to come.

When I started out volunteering at the meet-the-people sessions two years ago, my friends would often question me whether I was pro People's Action Party (PAP) but their replies never really bothered me. Because I was clear on what I wanted to achieve for the residents - better lives and as well as, to be their listening ears. 

Then, I enlisted to serve the army and now being a commissioned officer, I was never the quite fierce and strict one, contrary to what many may think of officers. It was all about choices, right? I told my guys, "The first time you make a mistake, it's a genuine one. The second time you make a mistake is a choice, you face it". I do believe that this is fair. Thereafter, I thought about the age differences between myself and my guys. They are only two or three years younger than me. So, I decided on the environment that they shall learn and train in - that is by seeing them as to-be-adults. I was also certainly prepared to receive constructive feedbacks from my fellow friends and sergeant on my approach.

At the end of the day, you will dictate the kind of life to live, your ambitions, the person you wish to be. But little did you realize, the decisions you made daily will have an impact on the people around you. Henceforth, I encourage that if you can do more in life, you must do so. The lives of others shall depend on you. 

This Is, Your Life As Your Message

Blank Space

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This afternoon I found myself 

staring at a blank screen

Yes, I am certain that the blank screen was not as a result of electrical failure.

Truth to be told, I had the intention to write an article this afternoon but my mind was blank.

Then, you might be wondering, why am I still writing one right now?

I am writing to reveal the hard truths behind the engineering of an article.

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Before I get to there, I figured out that some questions can be answered along the way

Why was it so difficult to have ideas to write at times?

What was the motivation behind my writings?

Why have I chosen to write?

Before I continue to write, I would also like to address the massive irony in myself. 

Remember that in the beginning, I mentioned that I was staring at a computer which displays a blank screen because I was clueless on what to write. 

Amid from all the blankness I experienced, there came an idea out of nowhere and I am writing now.

As you continue to read on, you may also start to feel that I am trying so hard to continue it.

Fred not, I will certainly be able to continue writing on and hopefully, what I have to offer will not bore you.

Here's why I was able to continue writing,

The few discoveries I made from this afternoon's encounter was that you definitely have to find the joy in what you write, the great sense of purpose and finally, convince to immerse yourself into taking the trouble to write it. All of these are crucial.

More often than not, to my belief, most of the successful articles do not start off at unmotivated states of mind. You write because you would find that this message is worth your time to write and others time to read it. No one except yourself will be able to convince you that this will be all worthwhile. Henceforth, I have made my own decision - and that is, it is worthwhile. It's never too late to find the confidence in yourself and the conviction in your words. Because what you attempt to put across will be perceived slightly differently by different people. 

It is no doubt, alarming to realise that you have no ways or judgement on what is worth sharing. I was in a state of panic when I did not know what was worth writing. In my opinion, when you cannot figure it out, it may seem that you have disconnected from your audience or fail to view things from another angle. I know it may sound ridiculous but I will help to fill in the missing piece in this puzzle - If had your focus was in the audience who mattered to you, finding a topic would certainly not be a problem. You will be fully aware of their interests and needs, topics ideas abound. Therefore, in all honesty, I did feel distant from my audience recently because of commitments in the army and family. But no worries, I am catching up with the social media feeds. So moving on, how exactly not being able to view things in another angle has got to do with this? The observation was apparent, from not having any absolute idea on what to write to writing this article out of nowhere - proven that had I not able to see things differently, there will be no such post today. All I had to do was to view my problem in a different light and figure out that how many people in this world have been affected by the same issue as I faced, and I solve it by giving advices.

Aside from determining if it's worthwhile to write, it is a widely-known fact that popular and successful posts usually are the ones that the majority of the public can connect with. It is difficult not to fall into the trap of pleasing your audience so that the traffic hits an all-time high record. While that may be the motivation behind your articles, it is crucial not to lose yourself in the process. You write because you feel that your message will impact positively on the public, not because you want to improve the traffic of your blog so you begin to write awful contents to become infamous. Henceforth, you should strike a balance because you also would not want to write things where people can't connect with. 

Finally, why have I chosen writing an article on a Saturday's afternoon? You may probably wonder, I could have gone out to catch a movie or indulge myself with the actions I missed out in the on-going The International 6 tournament. But today, I made a choice to find time to stay connected you all, my friends. If you have read it this far, I hope my choice to write has made a slightest positive impact on your lives. 

Good day! 

Someday Today

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Good afternoon all!

First and foremost, I want to express that it is a great privilege to be able to reminisce.  Do not get the wrong idea about me, because what I wish to express in here is that it is certainly a beautiful opportunity and platform for anyone to rethink through some of the events that took place.

More often than not, we always indulged ourselves into our interests, hobbies and work during leisure time. Surely, there is nothing wrong with that because I behave similarly most of the times. However, there would come a phase whereby before you decide to continue, you would want to close the chapter before beginning to start a new one.

This post will recount my 9 months journey in OCS, my heartfelt gratitude to my friends, family and my partner.

It is no doubt one of the greatest achievements to have entered OCS after my basic military training. To bluntly share my perspective of the army – it was never optimistic because of the immediate forfeiture of freedom. Yet similar to many others, I am aware of the importance of national defence. The Tekong days were never quite enjoyable because I dreaded it every day. Strangely, I still gave my best in training and exercises. I am an example of such living paradox if there are any. Surely, this would be the confidence that Singapore can rely on, that her people will fight for survival, deterrence and independence if there is a need, however, dislike they may be.

To have graduated from the class of 101/15 officer cadet course is never possible without my friends, family, and my partner. They have guided and brought me to this point which I can safely say that, my closest people in this life. Friends have made this journey real meaningful and definitely, an unforgettable one to remember for many years to come. It's this camaraderie built that reminds all of us that we have each other to rely on if we fail one day and as well as, the purpose to live on each day. Many of us may have parted on that very proud moment, 26 June 2016, but our souls remain ever interconnected. That would be the second assurance that Singapore may have because if we have to fight to keep our friends safe and sound, we will.

This day, I had the privilege to enjoy the peace and stability in Singapore. This was not something built in a day but the result of progressive efforts over the past 50 years, which our generation must understand and never ever take it for granted. The pioneer built the trees and it shall be our responsibility to water it and witness it grows. I am deeply grateful to have my family members always having my back when times are difficult. They are the source of my energy to accomplishing things which I never thought possible. The past 21 years have been full of sorrow and joy, but more importantly, I have learnt to grow to become a better person for you all, my friends, and my partner. The grueling 9 months in OCS may have taught and strengthen each and every one of us in a different manner, but it will always be towards a similar vision - to overcome the difficult times together. 

Allow me, if I may go all the way back to the very fateful day, 28 June 2014, it will be the day whereby I got together with my partner. Till date, it has been 2 years and I have grown out a lot from it. My partner, Kit Yee, I want to let you know that you are the shiniest and as well as, the most brilliant star in my universe. You are the one that shed light in most of the difficult phases and at the same time, makes me want to improve and fight for my cause and pursue my dreams. You are the final fateful piece to my incomplete puzzle in my life. I am glad to have met you in this lifetime.

Don't mind the mushiness. Moving on, as I further recall myself as a cadet of the OCS, there were certainly many regrets. I was ignorant and selfish at times. There were instances that I just neither want to participate nor place in the effort. Of course, I was snapped back into reality upon the thought of my loved ones. They certainly would not be proud nor be approving of my actions. And it did take me some time before I realize this. That's human nature.

Finally, the takeaways from the Officer Cadet Training journey is extraordinary. It is a place whereby it embraces you with the most arduous and difficult times, and collectively, everyone will overcome to stand tall and proud to become an unchallengeable force.

I am thankful for the experience, OCS.

To lead, To excel, To overcome. 

The Road To There

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What's written in this post will be something that is close to my heart and that I hold on dearly to. 

This something has changed over the years and many valuable pointers were picked up at the same time.

This something has taught me how to control, cherish and live with minimal regrets.

This something is known as my way of loving a person. 

Ask yourself what matters the most

Only you can define what's important to you. When it comes down to it, you really need to ask yourself who is the most important person in your life? Devote your efforts and cherish her with your best efforts and sincerity. It's really that simple. Humans may tend to take each other for granted at times, but it must never be a habit.

Love for the person she is

Ask yourself what traits of her have attracted you the most? At the earliest moment could be her appearance but you know that is superficial. The bottom line is that never change the person she is. Instead, attempt to understand why would she does certain things - talk out the problems - thereafter, decide for yourself whether you can accept for who she is. 

Be grateful and realize constructive comparisons

To be grateful is to be appreciative of the things around you. Don't be shy to express how thankful and blessed you are to have her by your side. Remember that communication will bring the both of you closer. We may also tend to get complacent and too comfortable with our relationship at times, resulting in us thinking that others' are having better lives. This is where comparisons will be made - for example, other couples are enjoying so much more than us, the perfect family and so on - however, we do not really know what goes on behind the doors and that does not really matter to us as well. Just remember to flourish and nurture the bonds both of you have created always. 

The grass is not greener on the other side; it's greener on the side you water the most.

Have her back at all times

Sometimes, girls may be insecure for some unspoken reasons. Reassure her regardless of the circumstances. They may have spoken words that they do not mean just to test your degree of love for them through your replies. I will advise all the boys out there to not give up so easily if you really love her that much - just like how you would not give up on something you hold on dearly to. 

Be proud to have her

There's no need to flaunt your relationship as if you have won a big prize or trophy in a competition. Just admit that you have a partner and be ready to show her to your family as soon as both of you are comfortable with it. This gives her the impression that you're serious about this. Don't attempt to keep your relationship a secret without good reasons at all. 

Do not ever lie

In a relationship, do not ever lie to each other. Yes, the truth may be hurtful at times but what's there that both of you can't speak about? You are going to live your lives for the next few decades together. How difficult it may be at times, I believe that everything can be worked out - just that it requires more tact at times.

Be understanding and listen to her

I know this is known to everyone. However, we must constantly remind ourselves to understand before letting our emotions decide our actions. Be control of your own emotions and never allow it to affect your judgement. Yes, listen to your partner always - it may be tiny details and all, but this is what justifies good quality time spent. 

Prioritize her in your list

As we grow older, there are more responsibilities on our hands. It's inevitably true and so we have to deal with it appropriately. There should be a balance amongst your social circle, career, family and love. You have to decide what's more important and there will be one that ranks number one. That is life.

Discuss about the future

Future is full of uncertainties and imagination. It's always good to dream about goals and imagine the life few decades later. In my opinion, it is the best thing that you can always discuss with your partner about. Envisage the future together! 

Do not ignore her

Regardless of the circumstances, you should ever ignore her. Inform her that you're tired and need some rest right now and seek for her understanding. However, this should not be a habit or excuse that you should use everytime. Remember to end the call or conversation on a good note. 

Ask for her opinions

We tend to get carried away at times and forgotten about her opinions or feelings on certain issues. She will also understand your situation and carry on with your plans. However, do not make this a frequent occurrence as she will eventually feel a lack of respect and care for her. There should be respect between both of you afterall. 

There is no need need for anyone to tell you the special ingredients in a lasting relationship ...

There are many ways to love someone. If both of you truly want to stay together, you will find out the ingredients. On this last point, I would like to share with everyone that growing old is inevitable but growing up is optional. You are the author of your learning journey.